Walker, Texas Ranger

 Last night's game featured the Peoria Red Raptors vs the Cape Cod Cod. This time, America's Got Talent sensation Anna Graceman did a b-e-a-utiful rendition of Requiem for a Dream. There were several shootings between the fans outside the stadium before the game. SWAT, the FBI, CIA, U.S Army, Marines, Navy, KGB, and Chuck Norris were called to do security. Only Chuck Norris showed up. Because he's Chuck Norris. Ivan showed up to the stadium 7 seconds into the game and scored from the parking lot. But he forgot his ticket to the game, and was forced to play from the parking lot all game since he also forgot his I.D. and Chuck Norris wouldn't allow him inside. Ivan knows a guy, and phones in a helicopter and flies over the stadium. Wienczyslaw Wenczeslaw made a sweet behind the back pass to Ivan, he sent the ball flying at 18,000,000 ft per second. And scored. Burning a hole to China and back. Scoring again. Ivan can do this on a regular basis. At this point the score is 27-2 going into the half. Not much happened until the last 2 minutes of the game. 'Tis now a 5 point game. Cape Cod's right flank Mckenzie James scored 5 720 (2 spins) goals to tie the game. The owners of the stadium knew that the last shot would be in the hands of Ivan Anseli and started to close the stadium roof. Ivan's survival instincts kicked in, he found a bungee cord and strapped in. Jumping 2 miles from the helicopter into the stadium where J.J. Zahla passes him the ball. Ivan does a triple back flip for show and throws in the game winning goal. We weren't able to get a comment from him after the game, he bungeed out of the stadium before the roof shut all the way and didn't return. 








Division 1                                                      Division 2
1.Peoria Red Raptors (5-0)                          5.New Orleans Armor (3-2)
2.Ventura Megalodons (5-0)                         6.Boise Steam (3-2)
3.Milwaukee Titans (4-1)                              7.Cape Cod Cod (3-2)
4.Anchorage Vipers (3-2)                             8.Norfolk Smash (2-3)


Division 3                                                      Division 4
9.Tulsa Storm (2-3)                                     13.Bismark Tornadoes (1-3-1)
10.Richmond Luxury  (2-3)                          14.Aurora Rays (1-4)  
11.Omaha Boars (2-3)                                15.Baltimore Nomads (1-4) 
12.Tucson Sun (1-3-1)                                16.Newark Sloths (1-4)