Relatively Humid Rivalry

  Todays match-up was a FAT rivalry game between the Peoria Red Raptors and the McMurdo Station, Antarctica Wild Burros. It was a scorching negative 70 degrees at the start of the game. It was a complete white out during the die toss, no one could see the die so they decided it over a nice game of tight rope walk chess boxing. The Wild Burros started out with the ball and scored the first 17 and 13/5ths goals until the Red Raptors finished warming-up. Jason Schlek hit a triple bicycle goal from full field length while the guards' goggles were fogged. For those of you who don't know, the field is approximately 58.0 milk jugs long, it took the ball about 4 and 1/2 minutes to reach the goal. Samuel L. Jackson crashed a plane into the field half way through the 6th period and out of the plane came enough Central Asian Pit Vipers to choke a horse. A VERY large horse. Now that the vipers were back in their natural habitat, they began to feed upon the players. The first person they took was McMurdo Station center flank Justine Cota, who is the only female player in the world. She was taken to the hospital and died instantly......the next day. A masked man appeared and challenges all of the snakes to a cook off. The masked man easily won with his soufflè of death. The game started again and Jason Schlek was nowhere to be found. Until the masked man took off his mask and it was Jason Schlek! The Red Raptors were awarded 1,000 and 100 bonus points which equals 1 and a half goals. After that, Jason Schlek took complete control of the game with an army of quantimple 360 goals. After this we soon lost communication with McMurdo Station and were unable to determine the final score, but you can probably guess that the Red Raptors won. Like always.